I don't believe it anymore
by klarus
Summary: Ziva is leaving in two months... back to Israel on a mission. Will be Tony able to stop her? TIVA moments!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys!**

**Well this is it... a story that started appearing in my mind since we heard about Cote's leaving. I'm still sad to know that but I love her and if she's happy than we should be happy too.**

**Here's the first chapter... I hope you like it!**

**I don't believe it anymore**

Tony POV

Work. The same everyday. Yes, they are my family but without Ziva here it's not the same anymore. It's nothing. It's like reading blank book, blank pages. I'm nothing without her. She's gone. Forever. She's not coming back. I'm left alone. Alone in this world full of strangers who took away everything I had. Everything that ever really mattered to me. Everything that kept me alive. My strength, my power, my Ziva.

I'm sitting at my desk in bullpen without a work to do. Everyone has been a wreck since Ziva di… left. I can't say that word. I still can't believe it. I can't accept it. Staring at her desk, her empty desk. I still wait for that moment when elevator doors open and ziva comes in, smiling at me and commenting my appearance, my hairstyle, my shirt, clothes, anything. I just wanna see her, hear her, feel her once more. It wasn't supposed to end like this! She was too young. Too young and too beautiful, too good to leave so soon!

"Tony." Gibbs says with low voice. Oh, even he's desperate since Ziva's gone. We've got no work, nothing that would keep us busy, to draw our attention away, away from Ziva. Away from everything that we still had to tell her, to show her. Our family is broken, our hearts are broken. One cannot imagine what emptiness we all feel. Pieces of our hearts are missing. Ziva's missing in our hearts.

"Yes. Yes boss." I try to sound okay but I'm not. My voice is cracking with every word I say, with every breath I take.

"Go, see Abby. Hug her. I… I need to go home." Leaving the bullpen, he literally runs toward elevator and leaves. Oh god. That shouldn't be happening to us. She should've been here. To see Gibbs breaking isn't easy. Letting him go home probably wasn't the best idea. He is going to get drunk and then pass out under his boat. I should've told him that he isn't alone. No one is alone now. We have each other's arms, we are family.

"Oh Gibbs." I speak to myself, leaving the bullpen headed to Abby's lab. McGee is down there probably as well. Hell, even Jimmy would be down there, and Ducky. They really were family. They all walked in that together but not all of them got out of it. Apparently Ziva didn't get out of it. My Ziva, my love, my everything. I wish I had told her before. Told her I loved her, I needed her. But now… I wouldn't have a chance to say it again. She's gone. Forever.

Walking in Abby's lab I see McGee holding Abby standing. Abby's taking it so bad. Everyone's taking it bad. Everyone knows how hard it is. McGee tries to give me a smile, just a little smile but he can't. He just stands there holding Abby and looking at me. Jimmy and Ducky are both sitting on the ground looking nowhere. I look around, hoping to see Ziva somewhere, hoping it was all just a sick joke but my hopes are down again. I rest my body on a wall behind me, staring at the ceiling. Listening to Abby's sobs and crying, McGee comforting her, Ducky's sighs, tears start forming in my eyes. I don't even intend on trying to stop them. I cared about her too much. One of the last things she taught me was that everyone's allowed to cry over someone's loss. She cried when she lost her father, why wouldn't I cry now when we lost her.

I feel tears starting to fall down my cheeks and I let them fall. I let my emotions out until I can't hold my body up anymore. I just… I just collapse on the ground, slowly. I bury my face in my hands and let out a sigh. Sigh of desperation. "Why?" I say, not realizing saying it out loud.

"Tony…" I hear someone say my name, trying to answer my question but stopping because no one knows the answer, if there would ever be an answer. I feel an arm resting on my shoulder. I look up, hopes in my eyes again. I'm dying for her look, for her eyes, for just a second with her. But it's not her. It's McGee. McGee is the strongest today, I appreciate that. He keeps us standing, keeps comforting us. I would never expect that from him but people change, I guess. "Tony, calm down. We're here for you. We're here for each other. Together, we'll make it through. We'll make it."

"Thanks, Tim. Just… thanks." I say in almost a whisper, looking in his eyes. I see sympathy, friendship and care in his eyes. Yes, we are here for each other. "We'll be always together, right?"

"Of course we will. Speaking of together… Where is boss?"

"Left… home, he said."

"He shouldn't be alone tonight. This is about family."

This sentence sends tears down my cheeks again. Tim didn't mean to hurt me, I know he didn't but he quoted her. I look up searching for Abby, I need her hug. I find her on the floor, hugging her legs and tears streaming down her cheeks. She's rocking and whispering to herself something. She's trying to comfort herself. I try to stand up but I can't gather that much strength. I can't stand up. Abby is not far away from me so I just drag myself and sit next to her. I put my arm around her shoulders and bring her closer to me. "I needed a hug." I whisper in her ear. As I kiss her forehead she suddenly turns to face me.

"We need to go to Gibbs house. He can't be alone." Tears still forming in her eyes as she asked me for agreement.

"Let's go. Together." I say to her, looking around to see everyone nodding in agreement.

**So this was the first chapter!**

**How you liked it? Let me know in reviews! I will personally respond to every review**

**I will post another chapter tomorrow if you like this one so... LET ME KNOW! :))**

**LOVE YOU ALL!**

**~~K~~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for reviews and follows for previous chapter! I love you all seriously!**

**Here's next chapter and I hope you like it!**

McGee wanted to knock on the door. Apparently he hasn't been at Gibbs' before. "Don't… don't bother knocking. His door is unlocked, all the time." I stopped him. Looking at me curiously he opened the door and let me and others in first. I grabbed Abby's hand and led her downstairs in Gibbs' basement. He was there, of course, with a glass of bourbon in his hand. The smell of wood and bourbon made atmosphere even more depressive than it already was.

Gibbs looked up and when he saw us he shook his head. "You don't have to be here."

"We do." I assured him. I know we are doing the right thing. I know we have to be here, together. I feel it.

"Why?" He asked with his voice low, almost hopelessly trying to tell us he needs us.

"Because we are family. We stick together, through good and bad, even through the worse. If you are planning on getting drunk, we'll get drunk with you." Abby said as trying to convince him that he's not getting rid of us. We're staying with him no matter what.

"I… you can stay. I have enough bourbon, I hope. We still have to go to work tomorrow." Handing me the glass of bourbon, Gibbs said accepting our presence. Grabbing the glass I sit down under the boat and stare at my glass for a while. Then I let out a sigh. I still can't take it. I still can't believe my Ziva is away and that I'm not getting her back. I will never have her back. And this thought is killing me. I shake my head in disbelief. "I don't believe it anymore, when all that's left is emptiness." I try to say to myself but I say it out loud. Everyone stares at me and Abby starts crying again. Instead of supporting them, keeping them strong, I'm the one making them cry again and again. All the time. What am I when I can't be strong for others? Who am I to make them cry? I can't do this. I can't do this anymore. I… I gotta go somewhere. Somewhere no one will find me. I need time for myself. I need time. I have to go. "I'm sorry." Are the last words before I stand up and walk out of Gibbs house. I expect him to come after me but he doesn't. I guess he understands me. He knows how it feels to lose a woman you love, a woman of your life.

I sit in my car and drive away. I drive and drive without knowing where. And then I stop. I stop on a parking lot in front of apartment but it's not my apartment. I'm here. I'm at her apartment, Ziva's apartment. A part of me wants to just sit in a car and wait for a life to pass beside me but another part wants to go to her apartment. To just feel as she was still here, still with me and us. Still my Ziva. I close my eyes just for a second and take big breath. Then I knew I have to do it. I have to go in and smell her, feel her presence.

General POV (It's the easiest to write in)

There are pictures of her all over the apartment. A picture of her when she was a child in arms of her father. Her little sister and her brother. And then there are pictures of him, McGee, Abby, Gibbs, Ducky and all other team mates. Pictures of their team, their family. The ones she loved. The ones he loved. And there was a picture that touched him the most. A picture of him and her, kissing, undercover, eight years ago. And then next to it a picture of them kissing in a park. It was summer, 7 years ago when Gibbs quit his job and they started dating. They were in love. They were made for each other, belonged to each other. He can't remember time when he was happier than the time he was with her. Everything seemed perfect back then. The thought of what they had broke his heart once again. Tears were now running down his cheeks he didn't wipe them away. He wanted to leave a part of him there. To show her he loved her. At the end of the summer Gibbs came back to job and they ended dating. They both agreed they wouldn't take risks unless Gibbs approved their relationship but none of them really wanted to try asking him that kind of questions. So they became friends, best friends with a little more. It wasn't called friendship but neither was it relationship. It was something special. Something only they had. It will never be the same. Never be the way it was. Then it hit him again. He had love with her, he loved her. Why didn't he keep it? Why didn't he fight for her, for them, their love and their future.

Suddenly there was blood on the floor. Blood everywhere. Everywhere around him. He started screaming but no one heard him

*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*

His alarm clock in the morning woke him up. He was sweating. Sweating from nightmare. He had to go to work although he still had an hour left. He had to go there to see if she was alive, if it was all just a bad dream. She had to make sure she was okay.

**SO? I bet you didn't expect that ending :D I know I left you with a little cliffhanger at the end. But he woke up from nightmare!**

**You liked it? review please :D :D**

**New chapter tomorrow**

**Kisses**

**~~K~~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for yor reviews! Now here's something I hope you will all like :**w**

Rushing towards elevator, Tony was still buttoning his jacket. He had to check her desk. To see if she was there. To make sure it was all just a bad dream. He was impatiently looking around while in elevator on a ride to the bullpen. The sound of an elevator stopping made him happy as he jumped out of it and immediately rushed to her desk. It made him happy. He was glad when he saw all of her pictures, her computer already on and her bag next to the desk. _Her bag? She's already here?_ Turning around he saw her standing in front of him and he couldn't help but smile. He hugged her "Oh my god Ziva. You're okay. You're here."

"Of course I'm okay Tony. Why wouldn't I be?" She said with confusion on her face. She surely didn't know what was going on.

"I… I just had a bad dream… Really bad dream."

"What happened in that dream?"

She wanted to know. But he didn't know if he was ready to tell. He had to convince her somehow not to leave DC after summer. Yes, she was going back to Israel to finish some operations no one else could. After it she would come back, if she survived of course. She was sent to currently most dangerous place in the world to finish of some of their biggest enemies and save some of their men, kept in captivity. And this thought, knowing she's gonna leave just in two months, made his heart slowly tear apart. He had to do something. He couldn't just let her go. He felt something for her and he would be sorry if he hadn't told her. He learned that thing from his nightmare less than an hour ago, when he thought she was gone forever. No, he won't let that happen. "Ziva, you were… dead." He said with fear in his voice. "You were gone forever and I didn't have the chance to tell you everything. I… I was desperate. We all were, I didn't know what to do and… you were gone." He said carefully, watching her response. He didn't want to scare her or anything.

Ziva grabbed his hand and held it in her own. She squeezed his hand and said "I'm okay, Tony. I'm here, look at me. I'm completely fine."

He looked at her and smiled. "You can't leave, Ziva. You can't go back to Israel."

"We've been through that. It's not my choice. The decision has been made, not from me but our director."

"But now you are an NCIS agent! No longer a Mossad officer. You fully belong to here." Hi said with slight anger as he couldn't believe that their director would do something like that.

"I know but. Director has agreed to send me there. I'll come back, Tony, after I'm done with my mission, I'll come back. You have to believe that."

"I can believe. You can't promise because we both know where he's sending you. Have you even seen how many deaths happen there every day?"

"I know. Don't make this difficult, please. Can't we enjoy the time I'm still here?"

"I guess we can. Just that nightmare scared me so much. I can't help but think of all the possible ways your journey could end there, in Israel, in your homeland. I would never forget myself if I didn't try to stop you."

"Tony…"

"I know, Ziva. I won't make it harder, I'll try not to." He said and pulled her closer in a hug. She didn't resist. She loved the feeling of his arms around him. She loved to be close to him. So she let him hug her then she kissed him on a cheek and smiled. Tony was happy, calmed down. At least his nightmare wasn't true. He sat down at his desk and couldn't keep eyes away from Ziva. He was just happy that she was here, close to him. He promised to himself that he won't let her go before he tells her how he feels, that he wants her as more than a friend. He loves her. He knew that since he woke up from nightmare, when he realized that he was feeling pure emptiness in his heart thinking she was gone. He had to tell her. But the question was, did she feel the same? Would he scare her? He didn't want her to run away. He needed her close, close to him. He needed her in his life.

**It's short, I know... I'm sorry for that but... Some Tiva :) I hope you like it so far :D**

**Now review and next chapter will be on tomorrow**


	4. Chapter 4

The way the morning started, much the same it ended. It was the day, the day they resigned. Tony was done with his job here. Wouldn't be seeing Ziva every day, wouldn't be seeing his friends and his family. This was his way of living. Every day routine. Got up in the morning, went to job, got home and went to sleep. Now it would be pretty much just getting up and going to sleep. He didn't know what exactly he was feeling. How he felt about leaving the job. Ziva came down the stairs and collapsed in her chair behind the desk. She was… broken, pretty much. It affected her. He couldn't believe the strongest person he knew would be so broken after resigning. He didn't know why she felt like this. "Ziva?"

"I'm fine." She almost whispered.

"No, you are not fine, I can see." He said and stood up. Going to her desk, he didn't put eyes away from her not for a second.

"It's just… nothing." She said, staring in his eyes. She could look in those eyes forever. She loved the view she had in his eyes. His eyes were perfect.

"Please, don't tell me it's nothing when I see something is wrong, Ziva."

"Can I… Can I come to your place tonight? Movie night?" she said, looking at her hands on her lap. Then looking at him again, tears in her eyes.

He didn't know why those tears. Smiling to her he assured her that he will still always keep an eye on her. "Yeah, sure. I'll buy us something to eat and then we will watch a movie."

"Thank you." She whispered to him.

Whispering back and smiling "No problem." Tony turned around after a while and looked at his desk once again. He shook his head and then grabbed his jacket and left. Left his working place, his family, his everyday life. But he wasn't just said. Deep in his heart he felt happiness because he knew, he would have more time to spend with Ziva. In fact they were meeting tonight, at his place. And that made him smile while walking out of the building.

Once at his apartment, he threw his jacket on the bed and went back in the kitchen, putting down pizza he bought for tonight. He turned on the TV and sat down on the couch. He smiled to himself once again and relaxed, closed the eyes just for a minute when his doorbell rang. It wouldn't be Ziva so soon. She said she was coming tonight but it was just five in the afternoon. He went to open the door and there she was, standing, crying. Tony was scared to see his Ziva like that. What has happened to her, what was wrong. He didn't want to push her for the answers so instead he just opened his arms and let her fall in his hug. She buried her face in his neck and started crying even more.

"What' happened, Zi?" He asked her quietly.

"I'm so sorry Tony. I'm so sorry."

"What are you talking about?"

"Gibbs. He probably hates me know. And you, and McGee. And everyone."

"Ziva? Why would we hate you? We don't hate you. I don't hate you, McGee doesn't hate you and Gibbs doesn't hate you as well."

"It's my fault. We had to resign because of me. I put your life in danger just with my actions and now you are jobless because of me."

"It's NOT your fault. We did this together, remember? Never say it's your fault, EVER. Understand?"

She slowly nodded but at least she did. Tony couldn't believe the words he just heard. He couldn't believe she was blaming herself but she was. And he had to fix this. Show her she is the best thing that ever happened to them, to him. He loved her, he had to tell her. But not now. It wasn't the right time. They were all still in shock from resigning so he just held her closer to him. He wouldn't let her go until she said "I'm okay now, Tony. You can let me go."

He looked at her face to make sure she was actually okay and then he let her go but never released her hands. She smiled to him and led him to the couch where they both sat down. She leaned closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. They both liked being relaxed like that together, watching the TV and just knowing they still have each other.

**It's short, I know and I hope you liked it... there was Some Tiva :) I hope you like it so far :D**

**Now review and next chapter will be on tomorrow**


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